Something else the minister spoke on really hit home for me as well. He said sometimes God doesn't answer us right away or give us what we want right away because there needs to be a change of heart first. Over the last couple of weeks God has really been working in my life. When I first found out we would not be able to have our own children it hurt and I was frustrated and could not understand why God would do this to us! Jesse was very helpful in trying to get me to realize that there are many children who need loving family's and that we were being given an opportunity to do something for God! As much as I tried to look at it that way my selfishness always popped up causing me to question why. When I found out we would have to wait until I was 21 that made me even more frustrated. I wanted to be a mother and we both felt God leading us to this, so WHY?!? Then as I said in my other post I heard the sermon about God possibly taking time to prepare you to do His work. As I began to think about this I really tried to take a good look at myself and Jesse and I's relationship to see if we were really ready to be parents and to do what God was possibly calling us to do. As I did some thinking I began to realize that maybe we weren't really ready. We enjoy just the two of us and having that freedom and maybe it would be good for us to wait. Also I was surprised as I noticed God changing my attitude about adoption. It wasn't wanting to adopt because I wanted to be a parent anymore. Instead it began to change more that I want to adopt because I know there are some children who will never be given the gift that I have been given. It wasn't about becoming a parent as soon as possible. Instead it was more about just being willing and ready for whatever God would call us to. If that would be adoption I realized I would be excited and thankful that God would be willing to use us! If it would be by giving us the gift of our own child it would make no difference. Finally, I felt like God had taken my life, slowed me down, and gave me time to really consider who it is that is really in control of all things. It is actually very weird now. It usually hurts to see others pregnant knowing I can't have that as well but suddenly God has flipped my world upside down and caused me to see things the complete opposite! If I would be pregnant what would happen to all those unloved children?!? It is becoming easier for me to think that it would be odd if God would decide to give us our own children rather than being odd that He won't. I am just so thankful that God is helping me to be content with where He has placed me and I know all the Glory for this belongs to Him. I just keep praying that no matter what may come in our future we can trust and be content. (This seems to be somewhat easier for Jesse to do!) I know adoption won't be the easiest thing but as long as God is leading us I feel like there is no reason to doubt! When I heard the preacher say sometimes we have to wait for a change of heart I instantly understood why we have to wait until I turn 21. I wasn't truly ready to adopt a child for the right reasons and God knew that. We can all be thankful that God knows all things and controls all things.
Monday, April 16, 2012
Change of Heart
We can be so thankful that we have a wonderful church body and ministers that are inspired by God to speak the truth to us! Sunday (yesterday) was a very encouraging sermon! As the minister was speaking, something suddenly jumped out at me! "waiting for the adoption" were his exact words! Then he went on to say about all the children that need loving parents, about the wonderful gift we have been given by being born into a family that brought us to church and taught us the truth, always loving us and providing for our needs. We can't even imagine a different way. It really touched me that Jesse and I could make that difference in some child's life if that is what God would continue to call us to do. It causes a guilty feeling every time I even wish to have our own children because I know there are children who will never get the opportunity to be raised in a family that truly loves and provides for them! All that said I would still like to have my own children and if God would allow us to have our own I would be thankful as well.
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I thought of you and Jesse as I heard that sermon last Sunday. It didn't only hit home to you, but for me also. I don't know how many times during the service I sat and thought about how thankful I am that God sent me to my parents so I could go to church and be raised up there. It is crazy how much I can relate to what your going through. Maybe not in the sense of me myself adopting a child, but me being the child that God gave the opportunity to be adopted and to be a part of our church. He is so amazing! Our prayers continue for you both! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteI've started this comment several times, not knowing exactly how to say, "Yes! I understand this perfectly." Right now, I'm holding a precious child in my arms and I still can't believe it finally happened. I knew months ago that all the heartache and waiting and roller coaster ride would eventually be over...and that it would seem worth it, that we wouldn't even remember how hard things were. In our experience (and I'm sure it will be the same for you), each minute we waited only makes him more precious today. Take courage! God cares about you.
ReplyDeleteI haven't written on your blog yet because most times I feel inadequate to comment. It's easy for me to sit and listen to you and have sympathy but when I drive home I return back to my selfish little world and forget what you are going through daily. Reading your blog makes me feel so blessed to have you and Jesse as friends. Your faith in what God has in store for you is inspiring. Such a reminder of God's perfect timing and that someday in someway God is going to give you the most beautiful little child. Lots of prayers
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