Change of Heart

       We can be so thankful that we have a wonderful church body and ministers that are inspired by God to speak the truth to us!  Sunday (yesterday) was a very encouraging sermon!  As the minister was speaking, something suddenly jumped out at me! "waiting for the adoption" were his exact words!  Then he went on to say about all the children that need loving parents, about the wonderful gift we have been given by being born into a family that brought us to church and taught us the truth, always loving us and providing for our needs.  We can't even imagine a different way.  It really touched me that Jesse and I could make that difference in some child's life if that is what God would continue to call us to do.  It causes a guilty feeling every time I even wish to have our own children because I know there are children who will never get the opportunity to be raised in a family that truly loves and provides for them!  All that said I would still like to have my own children and if God would allow us to have our own I would be thankful as well.  

       Something else the minister spoke on really hit home for me as well.  He said sometimes God doesn't answer us right away or give us what we want right away because there needs to be a change of heart first.  Over the last couple of weeks God has really been working in my life.  When I first found out we would not be able to have our own children it hurt and I was frustrated and could not understand why God would do this to us!  Jesse was very helpful in trying to get me to realize that there are many children who need loving family's and that we were being given an opportunity to do something for God!  As much as I tried to look at it that way my selfishness always popped up causing me to question why.  When I found out we would have to wait until I was 21 that made me even more frustrated.  I wanted to be a mother and we both felt God leading us to this, so WHY?!?   Then as I said in my other post I heard the sermon about God possibly taking time to prepare you to do His work.  As I began to think about this I really tried to take a good look at myself and Jesse and I's relationship to see if we were really ready to be parents and to do what God was possibly calling us to do.  As I did some thinking I began to realize that maybe we weren't really ready.  We enjoy just the two of us and having that freedom and maybe it would be good for us to wait.  Also I was surprised as I noticed God changing my attitude about adoption.  It wasn't wanting to adopt because I wanted to be a parent anymore.  Instead it began to change more that I want to adopt because I know there are some children who will never be given the gift that I have been given.  It wasn't about becoming a parent as soon as possible.  Instead it was more about just being willing and ready for whatever God would call us to.  If that would be adoption I realized I would be excited and thankful that God would be willing to use us!  If it would be by giving us the gift of our own child it would make no difference.  Finally, I felt like God had taken my life, slowed me down, and gave me time to really consider who it is that is really in control of all things.  It is actually very weird now.  It usually hurts to see others pregnant knowing I can't have that as well but suddenly God has flipped my world upside down and caused me to see things the complete opposite! If I would be pregnant what would happen to all those unloved children?!?  It is becoming easier for me to think that it would be odd if God would decide to give us our own children rather than being odd that He won't.  I am just so thankful that God is helping me to be content with where He has placed me and I know all the Glory for this belongs to Him.  I just keep praying that no matter what may come in our future we can trust and be content. (This seems to be somewhat easier for Jesse to do!)  I know adoption won't be the easiest thing but as long as God is leading us I feel like there is no reason to doubt!  When I heard the preacher say sometimes we have to wait for a change of heart I instantly understood why we have to wait until I turn 21.  I wasn't truly ready to adopt a child for the right reasons and God knew that.  We can all be thankful that God knows all things and controls all things.

Our Great God

       I know that no ones life is perfect and it is always easiest to focus on our own struggles or set backs rather than someone else's.  Are you feeling a little frustrated with God for allowing Satan to have so much control over your life and cause you to suffer through things you would rather not, or are you struggling with why God would allow it at all, or feeling like God doesn't have any business allowing bad things to happen to you in life because you serve and love Him faithfully?  If so I have the perfect reminder of just how big God is and just how small we are. I found this video (link below) on Fred and Brenda Leman's blog and it was exactly what I needed from God right now.  It really puts things in perspective for us to realize God doesn't have to give us anything in life because really we deserve nothing from Him.  But out of His great love and mercy He suffered so we could be given much here on this earth.  The most important thing...our salvation.
       Imagine not having a hope at all.  Every morning you wake up and count on luck to keep you alive because if you die there is no possible way for you to end up in heaven.  You know heaven exists and you know that is where you want to go but there is no door for you as a carnal human to enter in.  It is the most devastating thought and it really helps me to stay focused on the greatest gift we have been given.
       Jesus was a part of God and was sinless and perfect.  He served God faithfully here on this earth and did all He was asked to do by God.  Yet did God change His circumstance? NO!  Jesus, perfect and faithful as He was, still had to suffer on the cross an give His life.  I am sure Mary was so frustrated and devastated to see her son go through so much pain and agony not really understanding why this would happen to such a faithful man.  But we know that what He did gave us the most amazing gift we will ever be given.  Now if we look at our struggles in life, we can pray daily that God will change the circumstance but maybe there is a reason He doesn't.  God doesn't want to hurt us. In Jeremiah 29:11 it says,
    "For I know the thoughts I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
       We can be sure God doesn't want to cause us suffering and sorrow on this earth but maybe there is a reason He allows it.  Even if we do not know or will never know the reason we can be sure God has a purpose in all He does.  Jesus suffered through the most terrible of situations and God didn't change it for Him because with out it so many people would not have the hope of heaven!
       Maybe your in a situation in life that you just can't understand why and maybe you never will.  I think this video will help you get a new perspective as to who you are and who God is.
If you have the time please watch this 40 minute video! It is time well spent.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EAzCP8SEKwc&feature=youtube_gdata_player