Patience Patience...

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done 

the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

Hebrews 10:36

The most common question I get from friends and family now that we are done with paperwork is..."How's the waiting going?" or "How are you doing with patience?" and my answer is "It depends on the day and the perspective I look through."  Some days I am perfectly content just waiting, having the hope of a child and a family somewhere in my future. Other days it can be hard and I wonder when or if it will ever really happen. 

I am learning just how truly thankful I am that God gives us one day at a time and doesn't allow us to see into our future.  It has been one year and nine months since we were told we would have to wait until I turned 21, which was nine months away at the time, to even begin the adoption paperwork/process.  Today, one year and nine months later, I turn 22 and we have completed paperwork and are simply waiting.  If I had known at the time that we would still be waiting and hoping to have a child almost two years later I would have wanted to give up and not even go down this path.  But God knew and still knows exactly what we need and what we can handle.  It could be another two years until we get chosen and have a baby, but God gives us the hope that it will be sooner and if we hang onto that hope each day, two years will fly right by. (right?) So that is the perspective I use that really helps me.  Almost two years have passed that we have been on this journey and looking back those years flew right by.  When I think about waiting with that perspective it doesn't seem to bad and I can just enjoy the little things in life that will be changed once we have a baby. I told one friend I just try not to dwell on it to much because that's when the impatience comes.  Her response was "How can you do that? I would think about it every single day!" and I do! Every single day! But it's when I start making "plans" that the impatience comes and then I am reminded that my so called "plans" don't usually happen anyways so I am better off just being content with my life just the way it is and allowing God to make the plans and changes to my future.  

The verse above is an encouraging one to me and usually convicting too.  Patience doesn't come easily to me:)  But patience has helped me to grow in faith and trust in God and His ultimate plan.  Awhile ago I was listening to Focus on the Family and I learned something I had never really thought about before.  One of  the Fruit of the Spirit is long-suffering and often times we can replace that word or explain it by saying it is having patience.  I learned there is a big difference in patience and long-suffering.  Patience is waiting for something you expect to happen or change.  For example, we need patience as we wait to have a baby some day.  We know it will happen some how but we have to wait for it to come to pass.  Another example of patience is waiting for Christ to return, as the verse above is talking about.  We know He is coming back but we need to be patient as we wait.  I would say patience is more comparable to contentment than long-suffering. Long-suffering is dealing with a person/situation that you do not expect will ever change, yet you still endure. We as Christians are constantly tempted and struggling against the devil.  He is not going to let up while we have the breath of life.  Now if we can endure and overcome and still praise God and serve him through it all with a cheerful attitude, that's long-suffering.  It was so interesting to me because I had never really thought about the difference in those two words that we use almost interchangeably.  It is encouraging to know that for our situation in life right now we are in need of patience, not long-suffering.  We have the hope and expectation that someday, in God's timing, we will have a little baby to hold in our arms and call our own. 

So to answer the question of patience, I have my up days and I have my down days but overall I am thankful that I am only in need of patience and I can use this time to learn how to depend more fully on God and to hold onto hope for all He has planned for our future. 

T-Shirt Fundraiser!

Jesse and I teamed up with www.fundthenations.com to create an original adoption t-shirt. We will be selling this t-shirt along with several other adoptive families in the Fairbury/Forrest area to help raise adoption awareness and raise money to help with some of the many costs of adoption.

We have Adult sizes S-XXXL for $25.00 each.
We also have Youth sizes XS(2-4) S(6-8) M(10-12)  L(14-16)  XL(18-20)  for $15.00 each.

Proceeds will be used to help fund our adoption as well as two other families that are adopting in the Forrest/Fairbury area.

If you would like to purchase a shirt please email me or leave a comment below.  Please mail payment upon placing an order.  If you need my address please email me at kzimm91@yahoo.com

Sales will be open until November 25th and at that time we will place our order and then deliver shirts once we get them!

Thanks so much for your support and prayers!!

Redemption

I am sure many of you have heard Zach Bertsch tell his testimony on the CD entitled Home that he made for his cancer redemption project.  I was listening to the CD the other day and usually it brings me to tears when I listen to him tell a little of his story and how God is redeeming his cancer to help build homes in Haiti for orphans and all the good that has come because of something we perceive as negative. This link will take you to Zach's testimony. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFYbEHMpxRA) I encourage anyone who hasn't heard it to listen to it!  It is so encouraging and really helps put trials and struggles in this life into a heavenly perspective. Zach says in his testimony that he sometimes gets excited about the ways God can use his cancer to accomplish God's purposes.  I finally got that yesterday as I was bursting with excitement on all the ways God can use Jesse and I  because of our infertility.  Now I know I don't understand what it is like to be on my death bed and still excited for all God can do because of it, but I got a glimpse of why he could say that despite the pain he was facing.  If Zach never had cancer there would be over 70 orphans in Haiti without homes and if I can speak on Zach's behalf I think he wouldn't have changed his situation even if he could have.  I feel the same way when it comes to infertility. Don't get me wrong I long to become pregnant and feel my little baby kicking inside me and have my own birthing story to share of how my child came into this world, but I wouldn't change our infertility.  Adoption would have been the farthest thing from my mind if we would have been able to get pregnant and start a family when we hoped we could.  Now it seems crazy that adoption wouldn't be part of our life.  It has defined us these last few years and really it's who we have become.  Just like when you are expecting a baby, as soon as you find out you are pregnant your world begins to revolve around the growing baby inside you and you plan and you hope and you dream of what your little baby will be like and how things will change when he/she arrives.  It's the same with adoption.  I think I plan and hope and dream about our adoption every day!  It has been the focus of my life for the past year and a half now.  There is a baby growing in my heart.  I don't know if it needs 9 months to grow or maybe 2 years to grow but it is growing and I can't wait till the day I get to meet him/her. Every day it seems to become more and more clear just why we can't have our own children and the way God is using this to form both Jesse and I into more perfect children of His.  I get so excited about all that God can do through us in adoption that sometimes it's hard for me to wait for His perfect timing. I am ready to be used so why are there all these things that seem to slow me down???  I've also learned in the last year and half that waiting is usually learning.  We learn so much in a time of waiting that will be important for when God asks us to move.  My life as a married woman has gone completely different than how I have always dreamed it would go but SURPRISE I wouldn't change one single thing about it!!!  God has already done so much simply in our hearts to redeem our infertility and we haven't even interacted with a birth mom or a child.  I know God has a lot more He can do to redeem our situation to accomplish His purposes!

Officially Waiting...

So by the title you can see that we are officially a waiting family.  Technically we have been a waiting family for a little while with Family Core without them having our book but they now have a copy of our book as of September 12th, 2013.  We are also now a waiting family with our Attorney in Charleston as well.  I sent her multiple copies of our book on September 12th.  So now the real "waiting" begins.  We have been able to keep doing things here and there that help us feel like we are making progress but now I think those things are coming to an end. We will probably have a few things here and there that we need to do as time goes on and things need updated and we do have a little research to do on babies that have been exposed to drugs and different things like that but for the most part our job is done! We have done what we can and the rest is in God's hands!   Now we can see how patient we really are:)

P.S. If anyone who reads this blog has experience with adopting a baby exposed to drugs I would love to hear your experience.

To our Child...We can't wait to hold you in our arms for the first time, 

to welcome you into our hearts and lives.  You will be loved.

Adoption Attorney Meeting

Yesterday Jesse and I had a meeting with an adoption attorney from Charleston IL.  We were informed of this attorney by our case worker in Peoria.  Kirsten, the attorney, does outreach and helps connect adoptive couples with birth parents and then also can do all the legal parts of the adoption once we would be chosen and need that done.  I was planning on waiting until after harvest to contact Kirsten and get set up to be her client but Jesse felt we should do it now.  He felt like it would be smart to be using all our resources right away to connect to birth parents because the longer it goes the more we will become impatient and want a child.  I didn't want to start anything that couldn't be completed before harvest since we will be very busy then, so I called Kirsten's office just to get information on how her program works.  I learned that it was actually very simple to get set up with her since we already had our home-study and foster license completed through Family Core.  I then set up a meeting with her and we went yesterday to get information and learn about her program.

The meeting went great and we left feeling pretty excited to get to work with Kirsten and for what the future holds!  Kirsten is very straight forward and tells you exactly what she thinks.  This was actually great because it really gave us a better idea of what to expect for our adoption journey.  She looked at our profile book as well and gave us some helpful tips on that.  Kirsten has been working as an adoption attorney for over 20 years now so she has a lot of experience and knows the trends of adoption and what birth parents are looking for in an adoptive couple.  There were two main things she felt might delay us being chosen quickly. The first is that fact that we are so young.  Anyone older than us that would be placing a child up for adoption would most likely not choose us because if they feel they can't parent then they would not give their child to someone younger than them!  She said we will most likely be chosen by a teenager or someone younger than us.  The second thing is our religion.  She said a lot of birth mothers are rebelling against religion and so to see us so strongly serve God could be a turn off for them.  She did tell us that if we were a few years older she would say we would be chosen within six months!  But because we are so young that narrows down who will chose us so she said more realistically would be a year, two at the most.  Kirsten deals with a lot of birth parents compared to Family Core.  She has created a network of ways to connect with birth parents all over Illinois not just in Charleston.  She usually works with about 15 adoptive couples and places anywhere from 10-25 babies a year through her adoption program. She said right now is a great time to enter the adoption world because there have been a lot of babies placed for adoption in recent months and years.  Since July she has placed six babies through her adoption program!

She gave us a form to fill out that is four pages of general information.  We need to complete the form and return it to her along with several copies of our profile book.  She likes to have several copies of profile books because she said she sends them in the mail to birth parents, takes them in her car and keeps some in the office etc. so she likes to have plenty on hand.  It seems as though she shows books often and is a very busy person which is great news!  Then that is pretty much all we have to do so I am glad we went ahead and are getting set up with her now rather than after harvest.

As far as our profile book goes I said earlier that she gave us some helpful tips.  Before we went to this meeting our case worker told us that Kirsten would tell us exactly what she thought of our book and would tell us to make changes.  Some people can be offended after working with Family Core where they don't give too much criticism on profile books.  Our case worker just wanted us to be prepared!  So we figured there would be a least a few things that needed to change if not a bunch!  After looking through our book Kirsten closed it and looked at us with this expression like she was going to tell us the whole thing needed to be redone!  Then she said that the trend and what seems to be working best for being chosen quickly was to have a very simple plain profile book without all the embellishments and decoration like scrapbooks.  Well basically that's what ours is (the scrapbook type)!  She then said that she would normally ask us to change it to more simple so we would have a better chance of getting chosen but she wanted us to leave it just the way it was.  She said our book has a very youthful feel to it and that would be perfect for attracting the young women who would be the ones choosing us since we are so young!  She said to leave our book the way it is for at least six months and if it wasn't getting any "nibbles" then we could make a new book that was more plain.  She did say that our "story" and pictures were great and she really liked them.  So we actually didn't have to change anything! (Except putting borders around pictures to help them stand out)  I did decide to make a more plain book to send to Kirsten along with some copies of our original book and then she can show whichever one she prefers.

So I have been creating and updating our profile book and filling out a little paperwork.  I think Jesse and I are both just a little more excited knowing how many babies Kirsten places through her program.  We also really like Kirsten as a person and think she will be a great attorney to have in the future!

On the way home from our meeting in Charleston there was a sticker on the back of a vehicle that said Psalm 37:4.  Jesse told me to look it up in our Bible we had in the vehicle so I did and here is what it says!

Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.

The next verse went on to say...

Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him; and He shall bring it to pass.

Jesse's words were " Just what we needed for the ride home!"
God has it all figured out and I am encouraged to know He will bring it to pass, in His timing and in His way!

Profile Book Here!

A couple days ago I received our profile book in the mail from Shutterfly.  It was exciting to get to see the book in real life!  I have looked over the book so many times online before I ordered it and as I was making it that I think I could almost tell you exactly whats on each page:)  I really wonder what our Birth-parents will think as they look through our book.  Will they think we look like a fun family for their child?  Will they wonder about our age?  Will they know how blessed we really are to have wonderful families and the gift of salvation?  I hope when they look at our book they see a family that longs to have a child to call their own and I hope they see a place where their child will be loved and cared for and given all they wish they could give him/her.  I know God has a plan and so when I think about how our adoption will go I try not to worry to much about why someone would or would not choose us to adopt their baby.  Instead I try to remember that God has a baby for us.  He knew  this would be our future even before we were born.  God knows it all and it is humbling to realize this and to realize just how little we know.  We don't know if we will get a baby in 2 weeks or if it will be two years.  We don't know if we will ever have a biological child or if we will only adopt.  We don't know if we will adopt one child or numerous children.  We don't even really know if what we have "planned" is what God had planned!  One thing we do know is that God's plan is perfect and complete and if we take one day at a time and try our best to stay at the center of His will, He will provide grace for each situation.  It seems weird right now to think about the fact that we will be parents and actually have a little baby to call our own.  I think it's kind of like a couple that is expecting, they know the baby is coming but they really can't imagine exactly what it will be like or even believe that it will be reality to have a baby in the home to care for.  I think God has really worked in my heart to help me with patience through this experience so far.  Most days I am perfectly content with our little family of Jesse and I.  I am thankful for the opportunities that we have together that we may not have some day when we have a child.  Other days I get a little jealous and wish I could have a child to call my own and to care for and love but quickly God helps me to feel content again with where He has placed me right now in life.  I am sure my patience will begin to wear as time goes on and we have nothing to do but wait but I am also so surprised at just how quickly time flies by.  Our close friends baby is about to turn one year old and it seems like she was just born yesterday!  We have been on this journey for a year and a half now! Both of these things help me to keep things in perspective.  Time passes so quickly and someday we will be watching our children become parents wondering where time has went!  So back to the subject of our profile book, it turned out great and I haven't found any spelling mistakes or printing errors in it.  I am mailing it to Family Core today for them to put on their shelf waiting to be shown to a person who will be making one of the most difficult and selfless decisions they will ever make.

Profile Book Ordered!!

So today I finally sat down and completed all the finishing touches in the photo book I have been "about done" with for the last few weeks!  Checking for spelling, adding the last few pictures, and making sure everything looked good before I ordered it in print!  I hope it comes and looks great and I don't find a bunch of mistakes I didn't catch when proofing it.  I suppose though if I do find a lot of mistakes I can always just reorder!  So the book should be in sometime before August 30th!  Then I will send it to Family Core and hope it gets used;)