Redemption

I am sure many of you have heard Zach Bertsch tell his testimony on the CD entitled Home that he made for his cancer redemption project.  I was listening to the CD the other day and usually it brings me to tears when I listen to him tell a little of his story and how God is redeeming his cancer to help build homes in Haiti for orphans and all the good that has come because of something we perceive as negative. This link will take you to Zach's testimony. ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFYbEHMpxRA) I encourage anyone who hasn't heard it to listen to it!  It is so encouraging and really helps put trials and struggles in this life into a heavenly perspective. Zach says in his testimony that he sometimes gets excited about the ways God can use his cancer to accomplish God's purposes.  I finally got that yesterday as I was bursting with excitement on all the ways God can use Jesse and I  because of our infertility.  Now I know I don't understand what it is like to be on my death bed and still excited for all God can do because of it, but I got a glimpse of why he could say that despite the pain he was facing.  If Zach never had cancer there would be over 70 orphans in Haiti without homes and if I can speak on Zach's behalf I think he wouldn't have changed his situation even if he could have.  I feel the same way when it comes to infertility. Don't get me wrong I long to become pregnant and feel my little baby kicking inside me and have my own birthing story to share of how my child came into this world, but I wouldn't change our infertility.  Adoption would have been the farthest thing from my mind if we would have been able to get pregnant and start a family when we hoped we could.  Now it seems crazy that adoption wouldn't be part of our life.  It has defined us these last few years and really it's who we have become.  Just like when you are expecting a baby, as soon as you find out you are pregnant your world begins to revolve around the growing baby inside you and you plan and you hope and you dream of what your little baby will be like and how things will change when he/she arrives.  It's the same with adoption.  I think I plan and hope and dream about our adoption every day!  It has been the focus of my life for the past year and a half now.  There is a baby growing in my heart.  I don't know if it needs 9 months to grow or maybe 2 years to grow but it is growing and I can't wait till the day I get to meet him/her. Every day it seems to become more and more clear just why we can't have our own children and the way God is using this to form both Jesse and I into more perfect children of His.  I get so excited about all that God can do through us in adoption that sometimes it's hard for me to wait for His perfect timing. I am ready to be used so why are there all these things that seem to slow me down???  I've also learned in the last year and half that waiting is usually learning.  We learn so much in a time of waiting that will be important for when God asks us to move.  My life as a married woman has gone completely different than how I have always dreamed it would go but SURPRISE I wouldn't change one single thing about it!!!  God has already done so much simply in our hearts to redeem our infertility and we haven't even interacted with a birth mom or a child.  I know God has a lot more He can do to redeem our situation to accomplish His purposes!