Bittersweet...(part 2 of birth story)

Read Birth Story (Part 1) first!

On August 10th Jesse and I woke up at the hospital to the sound of the nurses bringing our bundle of joy back into our room! We were still so exhausted as we hadn't gotten much sleep but our motivation to get up increased greatly because of a certain little girl! We had been told the day before that birthmom was going to be discharged at 1:00pm and then our lawyers and caseworkers would be in to have her sign rights and go over all the paperwork.  We hung out in our room awhile and then we decided to shower and get ready for this big day! Once we were showered we got a text from birthmom that she wanted us to bring Wren to her room so she could see her. We wheeled Wren over to her room and just hung out with her and her friend and we all talked while birthmom held her little girl and took pictures etc. After awhile Jesse decided to go get us all some iced coffee! While he was gone the hospital social worker brought in a little memory box for birthmom to take home and she put extra wrist bands from Wren, footprints, her baby hat, and other things to remember Wren by. She also said she would take whatever pictures birthmom wanted so she could put them in there also.  One really neat thing she gave us was a set of hearts each on a ribbon.  There was an outer heart and an inner heart.  Birthmom took the outer heart and Wren kept the inner heart to always remember birthmom and daughter. We were then told that lawyers were on their way and that Jesse and I would not be able to be in the room when birthmom signed papers etc. When Jesse got back we we drank our coffee and birthmoms sister, who was going to be her witness, showed up.  We all hung out and took lots of pictures and just talked.  

She gave us a little piece of her heart that day...

So Loved

After awhile the hospital photographer came in to take pictures for us.  It was a very amazing time.  Pictures were taken of sweet little Wren and then some of Jesse and Wren, me and Wren, birthmom and Wren, and pictures of all of us together! The photographer was only allowed to choose 8 for our package and she had a really tough time with it! It was a priceless opportunity to get to have someone take pictures of Wren with both her mommies and her daddy. She also got a picture with the two hearts laying on Wrens heart.  Moves me to tears it's so beautiful! After she finished the pictures she made up a little slide show for us.  As soon as it started I knew I would never last and began sobbing, then Jesse, then birthmom, and her friend and family and even the photographer.  It was a beautiful moment. So much love for one little girl and to think that God loves her even more! The photographer was amazing and she was so amazed at our openness and respect for birthmom and vice verse.  Birthmoms friend and sister had been talking about this blog and the photographer said she wanted the web address!  I gave it to her and once we were done with pictures she went and read through almost all of our journey.  She saw us in the halls and told us how amazing our journey has been and the example we have been to birthmom. The photographer was also a Christian.  God let us meet so many wonderful people on this journey!! After pictures were done we ordered a package for birthmom and a package for us.  The pictures will be a wonderful thing for Wren to get to look back on some day as she has questions about her birth family and her adoption.

Such a precious gift she gave.

Love from her daddy!

She fills our hearts to overflowing!

About that time the lawyers and case workers were showing up to sign rights.  We asked birthmom if she wanted us to leave Wren in the room for it or if she wanted us to take her and she said she wanted us to leave her.  She also told us that she would be leaving the hospital as soon as she was done so we said our goodbyes.  We hugged her and thanked her for the most precious miracle she was giving us. No words were enough and our hearts will forever be grateful to her.  We went back to our room to wait and after waiting a little bit we were told it would take an hour! We decided we really needed to eat even though eating was the last thing we wanted to do.  We left the hospital which was really hard because we had never left Wren since her birth except when she was in the nursery. We went to a nearby Burger King and tried to eat our food.  Really it just made us feel sicker and we quickly headed back to the hospital to wait until birthmom was done.  Sitting in the room waiting I really felt like throwing up.  I didn't think that birthmom wouldn't sign her rights but just the emotion of it and what she must be going through was too much and made me feel so sick.  After awhile which seemed like forever, birthmoms best friend came and knocked on our door.  She said birthmom was finished and was going to leave if we wanted to come get Wren. We walked to her room and she was finishing up the last little bit with the lawyers and holding her precious baby.  We watched as she hugged and kissed and loved on that little girl for the last time.  It tore me apart inside and I don't know if I have ever witnesses something more heartbreaking and selfless.  She gave her last kisses and laid Wren in her bassinet.  She gave us hugs and we once again thanked her for being so strong and for the wonderful gift she was giving us that we couldn't even give ourselves.  We were all crying.  Then we watched as she turned and walked away, trusting us with this beautiful little life and the real tears began to flow.  We looked at our daughter. There was so much pain and joy in a single moment I didn't know what to do.  Jesse and I were both crying as we wheeled Wren out of her birthmoms room to take her to ours.  The nurse that cleaned Wren up right after birth and had been watching the last two days take place, was standing in the hall.  She looked at us and asked if Wren was officially ours?!?  I said yes and began sobbing, as the nurse hugged me and cried with me. I can't explain what I felt in those moments but it was amazing and tragic.  I was a mother to the most precious baby that God had chosen for me but one mother was giving up the privilege for me to experience this. The nurses that had been with us throughout entire process were amazing and I think it touched them also to see such amazing selfless love.  Jesse and I cried and cried as we wheeled Wren back to our room and held her so in love with our long awaited daughter.

Officially our little girl.

Eventually we regained our composure and the lawyer was then coming in to go over some paperwork with us and talk about Wren being discharged the next day and how that process would go. We had completed most of the forms and paperwork ahead of time so it was fairly easy to finish up what we could at the time for paperwork.  Then our lawyer left and said she would be back the next day to do discharge so we could leave the hospital! 

We were informed multiple times during our hospital stay that our adoption was not normal.  It had gone amazingly smooth and our relationship, openness, and trust between us and the birthmom was something they did not see very often.  I know God had His hand in this and I believe all the prayers whispered daily on our behalf made all the difference.  We are so thankful that we were able to build a relationship with the birth family and get to know them personally.  It created such a trust and appreciation for one another.  I truly cannot imagine what adoption would be like with out this personal relationship between us and birth family.

Another nurse that had been amazing for us came in to check Wren.  She asked how it felt not to have to share our daughter.  It was amazing to know she was ours forever.  There is always that twinge of pain though and there always will be knowing that our gain was the birthmoms loss.  She gave us a little piece of her heart and we never want to take that for granted. We are so thankful to be able to share with Wren as she grows just how much her birthmom and family loved her and how hard it was for them to place her in our arms.  I pray her selfless love will one day have a huge impact on Wrens life and she can recognize the beautiful gift her birthmom gave her. I could not have asked for a more smooth or beautiful adoption and we praise God for this precious gift.

The remainder of the evening we hung out and relaxed with our little girl.  It was so wonderful!!  We were excited to get to leave the hospital the next day.  We also couldn't believe how quickly this whole thing went.  Wren stayed in our room again that night.  She had been such a good baby even the nurses said she was beautiful and very calm and content! I struggled with even looking at her without crying.  She was so beautiful and so longed for.  

Our little blessing...

Feeding time.

I will post the discharge day in the next post as once again this is way to long!