Kickin' In My Heart

Last night we got a message from Birthmom.  This is what it said;

"Your daughter is just a kickin' like crazy tonight"

Such a small thing and yet it means the world to us!! We are constantly amazed at the how strong this Birthmom is and the incredible sacrifice she is making to give us her child.  She didn't have to share that with us but she chose to let us know that our daughter was kickin' like crazy last night!! As a woman I have always dreamed about what it would be like to have a little baby growing inside of me and to get to feel those little kicks as the baby grows.  Infertility has robbed me of that dream.  I am so thankful that Birthmom was willing to share with me and let me have a little glimpse of what it's like to have my baby kickin' inside of me.  I may not feel her in my womb but I can sure feel her kickin' in my heart and I am in love!  I can't wait to meet this little girl that is just a kickin' away as she grows and is formed into the perfect little baby that God is creating her to be.

Please continue to pray for the birth family and all involved.  Your prayers are sooo appreciated and I know God hears each one!

"For this child I prayed"

Words can’t express how excited we are to announce that we will become parents to a sweet baby girl in August!  To give you all a little background information, Jesse and I connected with a birth mom from Florida over the internet back in December.  She had just found out she was pregnant and was unsure of what she was going to do because she recently had a baby and was not planning on having another one so soon.  In January she contacted us and said she was considering adoption but was scared because she didn't want to commit to something she might not be able to handle emotionally.  We sent her our profile book and have kept in contact throughout January, February, and March.  We encouraged her to take her time deciding, pray a lot that God would show her what she should do, and to be sure of her decision before she makes it.  In February it just so happened we had a vacation planned to go to Florida, so one day of our vacation we drove to her hometown and had lunch with her and her fiancé.  It was awesome being able to meet them and really get to understand their life and circumstances that led them to where they are.  After meeting she said she would make her decision around the end of April or sometime after she had her 20 week ultra sound at the beginning of April.  After her ultra sound she felt she knew what she had to do and so she has chosen us to adopt her sweet little baby girl.  As we are rejoicing and thanking God for the little miracle He is providing us, we pray that you will all remember there is one family who is hurting so deeply and making one of the hardest decisions they have ever had to make.  This birth mom and birth dad love their baby so much but are not in a position to parent her at this time.  They need a lot of prayers!  We hope that each time you pray for us or our sweet baby girl you will also say a prayer for the birth family because the emotional pain they will experience and are experiencing now is something we could never imagine! We also want to let you all know that this adoption is not “for sure” until after the birth when the papers are signed.  With adoption things can change at any time until the papers are signed and irrevocable.  It is scary to think about getting our hopes up and planning for our baby girl only to have our hopes and plans lost if the birth family would change their minds.  I was reminded in God’s word of one thing we can be sure of and that is God’s unchangeable promises!

“Which hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast…”  Hebrews 6:19

No matter what comes of this we know that God will be right by our side through the whole thing and give us grace and peace even if it does not go as we planned.  Please pray for our baby girl, that she can be healthy, please pray for the birth family, that they can feel God’s presence and peace in this very difficult time, and please pray for Jesse and I that we can have the words to say to comfort the birth family as well as show Christ to them.  We appreciate all the prayers that have been said on our behalf in the past and we are so thankful for our God who is almighty and powerful and knows our future better than we know our past!

Connecting Hearts with the Forgotten

This past Saturday Jesse and I, as well as some of our friends, were able to attend the Connecting Hearts Conference in Downs Illinois!  This conference brings awareness to and provides information, and resources for Orphan Care, Foster Care, and Adoption.  It was such an eye opening and encouraging day!

The day opened with some music from His Little Feet.  A group of children from countries such as China, India, etc. who have all been orphaned at some point in their life and now are adopted.  They come tour the US and sing with His Little Feet for a year and then go back to their country and family.

Next they had a guest speaker, who works for Lifesong, open the day with some thoughts about orphan care.  There was one thought that stuck out to me most.  He said that as we consider orphan care, adoption, or foster care we need to be aware of our motive.  If we are getting involved with any of these things out of guilt, to make ourselves look good, or even to try to earn Gods favor our efforts will not last.  As Christians who have experienced Gods love and awesome power in our lives we need to be getting involved with these missions because we want to pass on the love we have experienced from God, to these children.  All these missions will be very difficult at times and if we are in it for impure reasons we won't last through the difficulties.  We have to realize our strength to do anything comes from Christ and it is for His glory that we are open and willing to allow Him to work through us to care for His children.  I loved the thought because it is so easy to go to a conference and become very excited to do all these great things but if we don't begin with lots and lots of prayer and seeking God's will for how He wants to use us, all of our efforts will come to nothing or possibly even cause more damage than help.  When we first decided to adopt we wanted to fill a gaping hole in our hearts with a child as quickly as possible.  God knew that wouldn't be enough for the journey He had planned for us.  He had to be the one to fill that hole in our hearts and only then could He use us to fulfill His purposes in providing a loving Christian home to a child.  In our time of waiting before we began the adoption process God worked all those things in our hearts and created in us a pure motive for what He has called us to!  We are so excited to get to pass on the love that we have been shown from Christ, through adoption.

At this conference there were about 10 different classes available and you could choose three to attend throughout the day.  We choose one from each category.  Our first one was on Foster Care.  We were able to hear about one families journey with Foster Care and learn more about how it works and what difficult circumstances to expect as well as the blessings of Foster Care. It is always incredible to me to see people willingly making themselves vulnerable to the hurt and frustrations that go along with foster care all to show Christ to a hurting child!

Next we went to an orphan care class about why the Church must care for the orphans.  It was a great class and I realized just how much our church actually does for the Orphans through World Relief and the orphanages in Mexico, Haiti, and Dominican.  One thought that really stood out to me was this; When we care for the orphans we must do it through our church, not on our own.  There may be times we can accomplish more and at a quicker pace when we set out to help the orphans on our own but when we go through the church and all work together to care for the orphans we build the body of Christ and create a strong group for the orphans or adopted/fostered children to depend on.  These children need the whole Body of Christ not just one individual!

Lastly we went to a class called Beauty from Ashes.  A couple shared with us their experience with infertility and how they worked through the hurt and sorrow and eventually were able to use this for God's glory as they adopted two children from Ethiopia.  It was incredible to hear what God brought them through and the little things along the way that God used to show His presence and just how He works everything out in His perfect way.  It was also encouraging to see how we too have worked through many of the same feelings and have been able to come to a place where we are at peace with God's plan for our life, whatever that may be.  It is awesome to see what God can do with ashes!  One thought that was expressed was this; Ashes can be used to bury or they can be used to bring forth life!  There is a seed waiting to turn into a beautiful flower but are we going to use the ashes of our life to fertilize that seed or to bury it away in bitterness and anger never allowing it to blossom into what God had intended.  I loved this thought and am thankful that God has worked in our hearts to give us the desire to use our ashes of infertility to bring forth life and help us blossom and grow in Him.

At the end of the day there was more music from His Little Feet and some of the children shared their stories of being orphaned and how God provided for them.  We also heard another testimony of a young woman who was adopted from Haiti as a child because of the compassion one 60 year old missionary had on her.  It was an incredible story of how ONE person having compassion on ONE child can make all the difference in the world!  This young woman who was adopted from Haiti now works for Compassion International, which is an organization that connects people with helpless children all over the world through sponsorship.

It was an awesome day and gave us a lot to think about! I am so thankful for where God has brought us and it is going to things like this conference that make me so excited to see where He will take us in the future!

Hannah's Hope

I have heard of several people out there who read this blog and also have felt the pain of infertility become part of their life story.  I wanted to share a book with you all that I was given from someone in my church who also struggled with infertility.  The book is called Hannah's Hope.

"Hannah’s Hope offers insightful and heartfelt encouragement for couples dealing with infertility, miscarriage or failed adoption. Building on the story of Hannah (First Samuel, chapter 1), Jennifer Saake interweaves her personal experiences with advice gleaned from over ten years of providing aid to grieving families through the support network she co-founded with husband Rick, Hannah’s Prayer Ministries. While remaining true to the very real and anguishing emotions of longing for a child, Jenni continually directs her readers back to the comfort and strength of a compassionate God. Each chapter concludes with a special “Burden Bearers” section offering practical suggestions for pastors, family members and friends."

I was so encouraged by this book and also given an opportunity to examine my own self and how I am handling my infertility.  This book touches on so many aspects of infertility and all from a Biblical viewpoint. I found myself recognizing areas that I subconsciously worked through and finally I was able to make sense of the feelings I had and why I had them.  I also found areas that I had not worked through yet but I really needed to in order to be closer to God and truly give this infertility journey completely to Him.

I really really appreciated being given this book and so I want others to benefit from it as well.  Infertility is such a hard thing and something not often discussed for some reason.  In our church it seems that pregnancy and big families are so common, we often just expect to get pregnant and have a family.  It's not until month after month the test shows negative that we realize just how little we have to do with "blessing" ourselves with children and how each child truly is a blessing from God.  I know I was completely guilty of this as I never would have expected infertility to be a part of my story and always just expected that I would be able to get pregnant when I wanted to.

I think this book is not just for those who have dealt with infertility first hand.  Each chapter has a section at the end for those who are close to couples struggling with infertility. I think reading this book could really help those who are close to families struggling with infertility to really understand what they are going through and how they can be sensitive to their needs and understand how they can help during this difficult time for that couple.  I have so much appreciated the strong love and support I have been given by my friends and family as we struggled with the feelings that came after learning about our infertility and I hurt for those that don't receive that love and support as well.

Currently a friend has this book but if anyone else would like to borrow it once she is done just let me know and I will get it to you!

Fundraising Success!

I am so thankful for the awesome success we had with our t-shirt fundraiser!  I want to thank everyone who bought a shirt and supported the cause of adoption.  Through the fundraiser we were able to help three local families, including ourselves, raise money to put toward adoption expenses. We look forward to bringing HOPE to a child from the Philippines, China, and the United States and your support has helped make the financial burden a little lighter! I know everyone is very thankful for your support.  I wanted to give a little shout out to www.fundthenations.com as they were great to work with in all this! Despite a slight error and reprint of the t-shirts they were very quick to respond and fix the problem at hand.  So if anyone is looking for a company to use for a t-shirt fundraiser I would definitely recommend www.fundthenations.com!

                                                  Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!!

(Ignore how bad this picture is :) We haven't been able to get a good one because we have to set up the camera with a timer since we don't have anyone around to take our picture! But I wanted to get this post up before it goes too long!)

Patience Patience...

For ye have need of patience, that, after ye have done 

the will of God, ye might receive the promise.

Hebrews 10:36

The most common question I get from friends and family now that we are done with paperwork is..."How's the waiting going?" or "How are you doing with patience?" and my answer is "It depends on the day and the perspective I look through."  Some days I am perfectly content just waiting, having the hope of a child and a family somewhere in my future. Other days it can be hard and I wonder when or if it will ever really happen. 

I am learning just how truly thankful I am that God gives us one day at a time and doesn't allow us to see into our future.  It has been one year and nine months since we were told we would have to wait until I turned 21, which was nine months away at the time, to even begin the adoption paperwork/process.  Today, one year and nine months later, I turn 22 and we have completed paperwork and are simply waiting.  If I had known at the time that we would still be waiting and hoping to have a child almost two years later I would have wanted to give up and not even go down this path.  But God knew and still knows exactly what we need and what we can handle.  It could be another two years until we get chosen and have a baby, but God gives us the hope that it will be sooner and if we hang onto that hope each day, two years will fly right by. (right?) So that is the perspective I use that really helps me.  Almost two years have passed that we have been on this journey and looking back those years flew right by.  When I think about waiting with that perspective it doesn't seem to bad and I can just enjoy the little things in life that will be changed once we have a baby. I told one friend I just try not to dwell on it to much because that's when the impatience comes.  Her response was "How can you do that? I would think about it every single day!" and I do! Every single day! But it's when I start making "plans" that the impatience comes and then I am reminded that my so called "plans" don't usually happen anyways so I am better off just being content with my life just the way it is and allowing God to make the plans and changes to my future.  

The verse above is an encouraging one to me and usually convicting too.  Patience doesn't come easily to me:)  But patience has helped me to grow in faith and trust in God and His ultimate plan.  Awhile ago I was listening to Focus on the Family and I learned something I had never really thought about before.  One of  the Fruit of the Spirit is long-suffering and often times we can replace that word or explain it by saying it is having patience.  I learned there is a big difference in patience and long-suffering.  Patience is waiting for something you expect to happen or change.  For example, we need patience as we wait to have a baby some day.  We know it will happen some how but we have to wait for it to come to pass.  Another example of patience is waiting for Christ to return, as the verse above is talking about.  We know He is coming back but we need to be patient as we wait.  I would say patience is more comparable to contentment than long-suffering. Long-suffering is dealing with a person/situation that you do not expect will ever change, yet you still endure. We as Christians are constantly tempted and struggling against the devil.  He is not going to let up while we have the breath of life.  Now if we can endure and overcome and still praise God and serve him through it all with a cheerful attitude, that's long-suffering.  It was so interesting to me because I had never really thought about the difference in those two words that we use almost interchangeably.  It is encouraging to know that for our situation in life right now we are in need of patience, not long-suffering.  We have the hope and expectation that someday, in God's timing, we will have a little baby to hold in our arms and call our own. 

So to answer the question of patience, I have my up days and I have my down days but overall I am thankful that I am only in need of patience and I can use this time to learn how to depend more fully on God and to hold onto hope for all He has planned for our future. 

T-Shirt Fundraiser!

Jesse and I teamed up with www.fundthenations.com to create an original adoption t-shirt. We will be selling this t-shirt along with several other adoptive families in the Fairbury/Forrest area to help raise adoption awareness and raise money to help with some of the many costs of adoption.

We have Adult sizes S-XXXL for $25.00 each.
We also have Youth sizes XS(2-4) S(6-8) M(10-12)  L(14-16)  XL(18-20)  for $15.00 each.

Proceeds will be used to help fund our adoption as well as two other families that are adopting in the Forrest/Fairbury area.

If you would like to purchase a shirt please email me or leave a comment below.  Please mail payment upon placing an order.  If you need my address please email me at kzimm91@yahoo.com

Sales will be open until November 25th and at that time we will place our order and then deliver shirts once we get them!

Thanks so much for your support and prayers!!